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July 13th, 2009
12:06 pm
One of my favourite Christian worship songs is "I simply live for you" by Hillsong, for no other reason than God had used that song in December 2003 to speak to me.
Non-Christians may doubt when they hear or read about God "speaking" to Christians. But I assure you, Christians have the spirit of God in them. It's not hard to know when God speaks.
On 7th December 2003, I blogged:
God said just say I am willing to do whatever He wants me to, just say "Thy will be done" and mean every word of it and He will make me into whatever I need to be, take me wherever I need to go, give me whatever I need, to do it.
This is real "I surrender all". It releases a great burden of my striving and wanting the best for myself. The best for myself is what God wants for me. God, build me up in this area. To know Your will and be obedient to do it. Just say the word, I will do it for You.
So, today, I have song presentation for my vocal class, very naturally I chose this song. Not because it is easy to sing, or it has nice lyrics or melody, but simply because to me, this song is God's promise to me.
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10:47 am - A letter to the Sunday Times
A month ago, when I dined at Crystal Jade Kitchen (Plaza Singapura), I was not being served water, until I asked and was charged for it. A few days later, I visited the Crystal Jade Kitchen (Holland Village) branch. This time, I did not bother to ask for water. However the waitress, seeing that I was perspiring, on her own accord served me water and refilled my cup many times. I did not ask whether I had to pay for it because I was so impressed with her good service, I would not have mind paying. Later, upon receiving the bill, I realised she did not charge me for it.
To me, receiving free water is secondary to receiving an overall good dining experience when eating at a restaurant. Restaurant owners should not belittle or insult customers who might want to save money yet dine at their restaurants. All customers should be served with respect and whole-heartedness. In my case, I would stop going to a restaurant where I repeatedly receive poor service but I would continue to patronise one where I am treated like a princess and charged for it.
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July 7th, 2009
11:36 pm - trying times
Share with you a secret. I'm very prone towards what layman call "mood swings". In more spiritual terms, I have difficulty being controlled mind and heart by the Spirit. And it is especially bad with hormonal changes. One moment I can be very high and happy, with a snap of a finger, I can be turn extremely discouraged/despondent/angry/indifferent/fearful.
These three weeks I've been learning how to manage myself. The one lesson I really want to learn is self-management. I'm learning to commit to the Lord my thoughts and emotions and making them obedient to the word and will of God.
I'm sorry to all I have "irritated" in the process of my unpredictability. I believe I am an overcomer because of the power of God in me. I am a work in progress!
Today again, I tried to lift my soul. I went with Melissa to do "shopping" for Hope Resources. (please forgive all the Singlish in this post. I am having difficulty thinking in proper English at the moment because I'm tired) I really thank God for Melissa. She is such a blessing, sharing the burden of the work of the Lord with me and she takes every chance to bless me, like paying for my curry puff. :)
I picked up some books that I felt could encourage me in the process.
So I tried reading.
But God really lifted my soul when I went for the OMF prayer meeting for Japan. It could be the sharing of the stories of sisters and brothers overseas. It could be the praying for them. It could be the praise and worship in Japanese. Or the presence of the Lord in the room and the tingling feeling of the Holy Spirit stirring in my heart. Whatever it is, I am so refreshed after the prayer meeting. :) Thanks Joyce for asking me along and thanks Zhixin for coming along. :D
My perspectives have changed. I feel lifted up upon a rock that is higher than I.
What I understand is that my work life is temporal. Whatever job I receive, I'm gonna give my best shot and when it's time to go, I'll move on. Talking about missions has that ability to remind me of the fleetingness of life. Finding my dream job is not the end. I'm not gonna stay there forever. I hope to reach out to people who need to know the Love that is available to them. First in my workplace, and than overseas.
Knowing this, just releases me from the burden of getting that job. Suddenly, I understand that getting that job is not everything. Living my life for God is more close to that everything. And living my life for God starts now. It doesn't start when I have found my dream job or when I begin missions, but it begins right now. Every moment I wake up.
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June 29th, 2009
09:54 am - Morals over politics
I'm so proud of Jenny Sanford's stand not to condone her politician husband's adulterous behaviour. I'm just so thrilled reading the article "Mrs Sanford is no Stepford wife" in today's Straits Times.
I'm disgusted by Governor Mark Sanford's infidelity and refusal to repent. Mrs Sanford kicked him out of house for two weeks, hoping he would come to his senses, but he went to Argentina to meet his mistress.
I love what she said, "His career is not a concern of mine. I'm worried about my family and the character of my children."
Character. Yes, what kind of values is he passing down to his children and the people of the nations? That it's okay to be unfaithful to the people who love and need you the most, irresponsible and abandon your duties as spouse and caregiver, follow your heart's lustful desires to crave for someone who does not belong to you?
My mum told me last time that politician's private and public lives can be kept separated.
I do not agree.
NEVER WILL I want to be led by a politician who stands for unfaithfulness to his spouse. I WILL NEVER VOTE for such a politician who condones adultery.
But I will forgive if he humbles himself, repents and turn from his wicked ways.
Never condone a wicked man and his ways. If he is willing to be immoral in "little", surely being immoral is much is not too hard a thing.
I can imagine people giving excuses for him. Maybe, the relationship between Mr and Mrs Sanford was already strained, so he was more prone to turning away. Maybe, that mistress was really too hot for him to bear. Maybe, it's really his weak spot. Maybe this, maybe that. Maybe something could explain and make his actions seem less foolish and immoral than they really are.
Being an overseer, being the role model for the nation, all the more means, he needs to lead an upright and righteous life. I will not accept such maybes from such a man. Actions speak louder than words. And both point to his character. For him, both his words and actions condemn him.
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01:12 am - The prayer of the job seeker
There's a verse that I really like and I will modify it for job hunters.
Original prayer:
...give me neither poverty nor riches,
but give me only my daily bread.
Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
and say, 'Who is the Lord?'
Or I may become poor and steal,
and so dishonor the name of my God. (Proverbs 30:8-9)
Modified job hunter's prayer:
Give me neither a job that is too bad nor too good,
but give me just the right job for me.
Otherwise, I may become proud and disown you
and say, 'Who is the Lord?'
Or I may become too discouraged and despised,
and so dishonor the name of my God.
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June 28th, 2009
11:53 pm - overwhelmed by gratitude
I'm speechless. There's nothing I can say but "Thank You God".
The past few days have been heavenly. I don't know what I've done to deserve such blessing.
It just makes my heart sing "What can I do" by Paul Baloche.
What started out as a very low week for me ended with such splendor.
I was really at rock bottom early this week. Frustrated with myself. Upset I wake up "late" everyday, despite some improvements. Angry with people for no apparent valid reasons. Unhappy with the many tasks I have to do. Aimless as usual. Insecure with who I am and God's love for me.
I just struggled through and tried my best to find strength in the Lord through His word in me and through self-reflection of my convictions. I question myself whether I would fade into the background with my emotions, or whether I would follow my convictions despite how I feel. This forced me to list down exactly what were my convictions.
One of my struggle area was the area of friendship. This few weeks I struggled a lot with this. Many unpleasant experiences with friends made me question what is a friend. Is friendship dependent on how often we meet? How in depth our conversation goes? How open we are with our lives to one another? If so, I've failed badly as a friend. But God dropped a word into my heart that friendship is about love. Do I love these people I meet? Regardless of how many times we meet, how much we can talk about, how comfortable I am with them, etc.
And it kinda re-patterned the way I view people. I'm just less concern of the more peripheral things of friendship. How often we meet up, what we talk about, how much we think of one another, how we stay in touch, etc, is just an outflow of the love we have for one another.
So I was especially blessed when many of my JC friends turned up for the gathering I organized. Being someone concern with tasks and structure, I constantly remind myself, what is most important are the people, not the program. So it's okay that we played only two games at Settler's and talked more, it's okay that dinner's late, what's important is catching up with one another, it's the reunion, and the fact that we are present to meet again because we are important to one another. I've been a little nervous organizing this because I have focused so much on the tasks and too little on the people. When I switch emphasis to focus on people, I realized the tasks fall nicely into place on their own.
My view on friendship is revolutionized.
Another blessing is in my job search.
While just admiring the birthday card which Sylvia, Jessie, Vaish, LiMin and Isobel made for me on the bus, Hui Chu and Wei Zhu entered into the bus I was on. And as if God led the conversation it just led on from talking to people to my interest in applying for this certain job. And they gave me such insightful and constructive advice that I cannot help but to see God's hand in it. And they walked me home. No one has walked me home in a very long time. I told myself, okay, I will stop saying I don't need it (it's very safe, a lot of cars and no one in sight) or deserve it (surely, you should go back home earlier to rest for tomorrow's a working day), but I will graciously receive such a kind gesture and act of love.
And the job is the other thanksgiving point. God showed me this job, only after I have settled in my heart to follow my convictions instead of my feelings, only after I surrendered to God in obedience telling Him, I obey, in spite of. The exact day I settled it in my heart, God showed me this job and the amazing thing was that the job opening opened on the same day - 26/6/09. And this job made my heart skip a bit. It made me go to the extent of setting up a blog just in an effort to obtain this job. It made me announce to people that I have found my dream job. It made me want to fight for it despite me not meeting the qualification required. It made me say "I want it and will do all I can to get it". No one has seen this from me before. All along, I've been reluctant even to apply for a job, or even write my resume. Today, this job made me want to craft a resume suited just for it.
And as I looked back upon what God has allowed me to go through in my life - the essays I've written, the advice on resume and cover letter writing from I've received from Yeu ann and the opportunities I have... I just can't help but to see how they fitted into this job description. Even though I looked back upon some of those experiences hesitatingly because I realized that at one point or another they had competed with God and His kingdom for priority in my heart.
Today, I can comfortably say, if this job is what I love, but would compete with God's rule in my heart, I do not want it. If I'm not ready for such a job, don't give it to me. Because I don't want to experience what I have experienced during my years in NUS. I do not want to worship and serve an idol. I do not want to invest in something that in the end I realize was not worth it and I regret giving so much of me to it.
I do not want to forget the Lord. I do not want to fall from pride. The risk of greatness is too great! That very relationship with God is at stake. If God is gonna bless me so abundantly as He has confirmed to me through several prophesies, I want to be sure I will not fall because of it. The moment I think that I am successful because of the work of my hands, because of certain people, certain things, and I stop looking to God, and stop depending on Him but on rules, regulations, structures and on me, that's the moment of my downfall.
And I do not want that.
I am very aware of my tendency to be proud. Please watch out for me in this area.
And so, I am speechless before God. Overwhelmed with gratitude.
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01:53 pm
I'm currently in the process of doing up a portfolio of my research work done in NUS.
And I am very disappointed with some essays I wrote in year 1, though at that time I was very proud of them.
The analysis was not done in-depth, in fact quite one-sided, the research was poorly done, lacking in concision and details and the language expression is terrible. The words could not bring out what I had intended to convey.
The style and grammar was bad too. :(
I see so much that needs to be changed. =(
My only consolation is that I have improved to be able to spot so much flaws. :D And for this, let me rejoice!
Yesterday during service, Xingni shared a word from God about how we should not dwell in our negativities but instead meditate on the goodness of God. It spoke a lot to me as I've been grumbling a lot the past few weeks with eyes fixated on my imperfections and weaknesses, failing to thank God for what He has done and is doing in my life and around me. I'm blinded to His goodness and kindness. I thank Him for the messages He's been giving me the past few days to "not forget the Lord". :)
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June 21st, 2009
11:51 am - Confessions of a ex-school goer
I do not like 10 year series. In fact, I try my best not to do them. Not because I think they won't help, but because I do not like knowing what is coming out and not having that excitement of facing a new set of questions during exam.
I like that feeling of "wow, this question is well set, it makes me apply this knowledge. Oh, I can't do this question, it's tough, I'll come back to it later".
I can't bear doing question after question after question. I'd much rather read the textbook which is far more relaxing for my mind.
BUT...
I cannot deny that the most efficient way to get the best grades with the least studying is to spot questions and prepare for them. This method would require some form of TYS or teacher's hints.
Having a limited amount of time to study, if you are able to predict with some degree of accuracy what is coming out, and put all your effort to learning what is coming out, you will surely beat someone who studies everything having spent less effort on each topic. There is a risk that what you pick doesn't come up, but for one who doesn't have the time to study everything, this calculated risk is worth the chance. Because even if one attempts to study everything, there isn't enough time and it is almost as good as picking the wrong questions and not being able to do the questions. BUT if you pick the right questions, to an examiner or one who looks at your grades, it's as if you studied everything.
Good grades either reflect one who is hardworking (study everything) intelligent (understands everything) or one who is study-smart (study and understand some things).
Therefore, examination is an art.
Examination is not an education. Educational institutions should not put too much emphasis on grades. And also employers should not look so much into a potential employee's grades or class of honours to decide whether to employ the person or even how much to pay the person!
Disclaimer: All students should seek to learn everyday and be eager to learn all things and not learn for the sake of grades.
I think it's a personal, strong conviction that having a degree doesn't mean much. I think I'm putting down a lot of people who put in a lot of effort to get a degree or desire in their hearts very much to have one.
In a nutshell: There is more to an education than grades. Yes. The skills (analysing, leadership, teamwork) and values and beliefs (respect for authority, integrity, curiosity, love of knowledge) we pick up and form are far more important than the knowledge we internalize per se.
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June 15th, 2009
10:29 am
Sitting at my old haunt, I really don't know how long more I can sit here and use the NUS account to log onto the internet in NUS, but let my heart be filled with gratitude with every moment I can use the internet.
Sitting at my old haunt, also means I'm unemployed, I also don't know how long I will remain this way, but let me be grateful for every moment of my holiday. I've been told, I will never experience this again once I start work, more than once.
Funny how easily I take things for granted. Let me not do so anymore. It's a privilege to be living the way I am now, enjoying the holiday while I search for a job.
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June 11th, 2009
08:15 am - A Quiet Place
You know in Singapore sometimes it's hard to find a quiet place that doesn't cost a cent.
I just want a place where I can read my bible and pray and feel at ease in.
So I visit St Andrews Cathedral.
I like their concept so much. That they open themselves up to ALL PEOPLE who are looking for a place to pray or be ministered.
Their new welcome center or The Quiet Place, opens to the main road (North Bridge Road) and welcomes street people into the cathedral courts.
This is a church serious about sharing the gospel.
In fact the architecture of the church really shows this. In the new chapel/sanctuary, there is a glass panel, which allows natural light in, where one can see this. (Go and see for yourself!)
Something that stirs my spirit is knowing that in 1973, Bishop Chiu Ban It, the Cathedral's first Asian bishop, let the Diocese into a charistmatic renewal of living in the Spirit (From A living church, the St Andrew's Cathedral postcard book).
I have a soft spot for such traditional churches, who humbly follow God's leading, instead of ways of tradition and man. I do not know their history, but such a movement for such an old church, surely required a lot of rewiring work, not just within the leadership but also the members. Obedience is blessed. The church is really prospering today.
The new sanctuary is where the mandarin group and the young people worship. You can see the normal band equipment that we see in youth groups, different from the organ used in the cathedral halls. This church is also willing to accept differing preferences. It recognises that it's not what we worship with but who we worship. I'm simply amazed by the humility to recognise this.
I have a soft spot, because I was once against the charismatic revival as well. When I see such an old church, with a history so rich, operating in the gifts of the Holy Spirit freely, in addition to following other biblical doctrines, it just melts my heart.
It's such a generous church. Too good to be true, but it's true by God's grace.
I really thank Nancy for bringing me on an unexpected tour and helping me intercede for a job.
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June 5th, 2009
10:14 am - Resume Writing
It seems almost surreal. I have procrastinated to write my resume for a month, and when I have done so today, it feels good. I feel like I have a better idea of the experiences God brought me through and hence a better idea of my life direction.
I woke up this morning with a thought in my mind. I want to tell people in my resume that I have written to Straits Times Forum twice. Slowly another thought that I've won Best Volunteer, Best Team Leader and Best Customer Service Award for Hope Resources came to me. And these just drove me all the way to write the rest of my resume as I remember my achievements in the world, in church and in school.
I wonder if its a divine push. Honestly, the past few weeks have been pretty bleak for me in terms of life direction. I am still trying to find out who I am and what exactly would I like to do next. I have so much insecurity about myself that I hesitate to even make my next move. Yet, I know God has good plans for me to prosper me. I want to stop looking down on myself and start looking up to God!
A tip to the schooling. Do remember to keep records, even better get certificates for the things you have participated in church or in school. For example you were heading a team for church camp or you volunteered with Hope Center. They'll come in handy when you write your resume!
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June 4th, 2009
12:40 am
Hmmm... The personality test was spot on when it said of me "Ms Chua is the sort of person who forms long term bonds and attachments. She is faithful, trustworthy, and devoted in such relationships. She tends to be trusting, dedicated and protective towards those she loves. Patriotism and sense of duty is a significant aspect of her character."
That part about patriotism and sense of duty. I like it. :)
I think I'm that kind that would like to serve the country.
Like I'm especially faithful to those that have been faithful to me.
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May 31st, 2009
02:08 pm - There is nothing like the praise of God
I'm frequently skeptical when I am affirmed by men, but the affirmation from God brings me to my knees and moves me to tears.
God through the leadership of the church and also speaking directly to me, has been pointing to "repentance". Pastor Jeff has called 2009 the year of preparation.
In his message to us from Joshua 5: ... "When things are moving ahead with great momentum, it is easy to focus merely on the activities rather than to do a stocktake of our lives. I believe that for this season of our church life, God is doing a refining work in our lives. If we are to truly march forward and inherit the Promise Land, we need to allow God to prepare us to be the type of instruments that He can work through."
Wow, actually the whole message is God-anointed and powerful.
"Leadership in the kingdom is not a role, it is divine calling to impact lives for all eternity. We need to handle this privilege with great honour and care."
As I was reflecting about the events yesterday, how I was fully supported in planning Huiyu's birthday celebration, a thought just came to me that supportive armour bearers are one of a leader's best gift. No leader is perfect, but when each of his or her coreteam chips in and provide the leader with what he or she lacks, the leader can move in the spirit, without entanglements, and lead everybody towards a goal.
Only true repentance, the inward circumcision of the heart can bring about God's approval. That's why I chose this verse to memorise:
It means a lot to me, especially in the light of all the events that have happened this year.
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May 24th, 2009
11:59 am
I've been tidying up, reading old encouragement cards...
And I found this white flag from the Excellence Church Camp 2003, the period of time when I just started to become serious in my walk with God. I believe we were supposed to surrender an area to God and write it on the flag as a memorial.
I Surrender All
(In the areas of opposite gender relationships)
12/12/03
It's a poignant reminder of one of my greatest struggles in the past. I had a perpetual inability to stay pure. There was a period of time that I always had a crush. And I still remember during my primary school days, my best friend felt her position so challenged because of a crush I had, that she told me to choose between her and my crush at that time.
So recently when I read 2 Samuel 1:26 about David's lament for the loss of Jonathon,
"Your love for me was wonderful,
more wonderful than that of women."
I was intrigued.
I thought of my spiritual buddies and close friends who have stuck with me through thick and thin. We don't have the luxury of spending a lot of time together, yet, at my moments of greatest need and weakness and pain, they were there for me.
My heart rejoices at such friendships. :)
I thank God that I'm matured in the area of emotional purity and He's constantly helping me grow in other areas and making me more and more like Him.
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May 22nd, 2009
10:32 am - Even greater by Reinhard Bonnke
This is a book of a collection of stories of normal people, like you and me, who have been touched by God through Reinhard Bonnke's ministry.
I attended Bonnke's rally a few months back. I wanted healing for my wrist. But I was very dull and tired that day. The wow-ness of such big-scale events sometimes have the negative effect of drawing my attention away from the simplicity and power of the simple message: God loves you and wants to bring healing to you. Believe in Him and be saved.
I bought this book but did not read it as usual, until this week.
Gosh, the spirit moved within me as I read it. Many times, the stirring was so strong.
And I couldn't help but sob for the last few stories.
The language is good and really describes the people and their circumstances. I could feel the immense desperation, disappointment, discouragement, devastation of the individuals as they cry out, "Why me?" and "Just let me die." And even more touching, is the God who responds. I can just sense the immense pain in God's heart when His children cry and suffer as such. It must be unbearable for a parent to see this.
All He wants is to reach out and touch you. "Hey, my child. I'm here. I know you. I know your pain. I'm here for you. I have never left you."
Yet sometimes we are so blinded and numbed by our pain, we don't hear, we don't see. Until, pain forces us to do something desperate like attending a healing rally or the faith of others help us, to encounter God.
Reading such stories really make you wanna reach the lost, the broken.
"It filled his head with the idea that if he had no reason to live for himself, he might go on living for someone else."
Broken situations have this power of helping us realise "What I count as gain, I now count as loss". I prayed as I read that, that my life can be wholly surrendered to Christ. That I have no reason to live for myself, but for Christ.
When we reached that stage of knowing, nothing in our lives matter, but Christ...
As I finished the book, the song "Above All" rang loud in my heart and I found the chords and lyrics and worshiped God with it.
And suddenly I understood the lyrics.
The verse lists the things man esteem to help us see that these things are nothing compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus our Lord. Christ counted them as nothing compared to you and me.
You are so precious to Him. The world doesn't know your worth. You are worth everything to Christ.
Likewise.
He is so precious to us. The world doesn't know His worth. Yet, is he worth everything to us?
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May 19th, 2009
08:01 pm - Back at the stadium
Walking on the track of the National Stadium, meeting old friends, just brought many memories flooding back.
The foolishness of my youthful days when I was busy "falling in love" and chasing one high after another.
And the pain of burnout that blocked out a portion of my memory which I cannot recall till today.
I need to pray for wisdom and courage to face the past and a lot of love to love people!
And I must not let busyness get into the way of seeking and praying to God!!
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May 18th, 2009
01:28 pm - General Paper
I was reading through some of my old General Paper (GP) essays and they brought back many fond memories.
I noticed that I often scored full marks or close to full for "Content" but do poorly for "Language".
I also was reminded how I love to apply what I learned in church to my essay topics.
For one particular essay entitled "'It matters not how a man dies, but how he lives.' If so, how can man make his life a meaningful and enjoyable one?", I really wrote my heart out about the meaning of life from a Christian's perspectives.
I am very touched today, as I re-read my essay outline, because my GP teacher responded to my essay outline as he marked it. He wrote "gd pt" to my thesis statement of "Life would be incomplete if one has much worldly achievement but a weak character, lacking in moral strength." He wrote "I agree" with a smiley face to "'In bible, there's no greater love than one who lays down his life for another.' Give your time to others!" He agreed to my point that on one's deathbed, it's often people that one would think of and told me the term for it, "looking at life from the perspective of death."
He also commented that my thesis statement of "As one learns more about the world and oneself, it is likely that one would have uncovered one's niche - an activity that is suited to one's unique ability and character. Having found this special gift, one should invest, nurture and develop it." was very clear. I'm surprised at my words of wisdom at that time. Today, I am still confused about who I am and the role I can play in my society. Yet, back then, God seemed to have given me divine revelation!
It just wowed me that God would use a simple GP essay and a little girl's simple life experiences to move to agreement a teacher's heart.
JC time was really a very fun time for me. I thank God for all He had allowed me to go through during that period, leading a cell group, investing in the lives of many JC students and being a salt and light in the school.
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11:52 am - Reformation of Education System
I think that one of the most pressing needs of the Singapore Education System is to change the way students and teachers think about learning and examinations.
Students should NOT only study what is coming out for exams/what would give them an A for PSLE/O Levels/A Levels.
Teachers should NOT teach only what is coming out for exams/what would give them an A for PSLE/O Levels/A Levels.
As I was eating my pack of nuts, I recalled something I learned in University about the identity of plant products, and I thought to myself, if I could, I would pose this kind of questions for students in JC/SS.
Almost immediately, my mind countered "But this is out of syllabus!"
This is a common thought during my time. We shall NOT cover material out of curriculum in class. It's more important to cover material in the syllabus, to enable students to get A, for that is most important for a school, for its students to get as many As as possible.
*sigh* What about learning what is fun/what is important/what is relevant to life?
In our pursuit for good grades, I think we have given up a lot of opportunities of growth and learning.
I hope things have changed since I finished school.
I still look back in regret that I devoted too much time to studying things in the curriculum for the sake of grades, and missed many opportunities for more wholesome learning and improving of self.
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11:09 am - Personal Motivators - Recognition
Caliper profiling managed to identify my need for approval from my superiors!
Caliper identified that "receiving acknowledgment, approval, and respect, especially from those who are in positions of authority or importance, seems to motivate me
- I tend to feel satisfied by performing tasks that allow me to be recognised for my specialised skills.
- I am likely to enjoy environments that encourage positive feedback and have formal systems of recognition.
- Incentives for me might include receiving acknowledgment or awards for my work contributions."
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10:49 am - Names for me!
I have strange ideas for names.
When I was 18, I wanted my baptism name to be "Babel". Yes, I wanted to be named after the Tower of Babel. Yes, after the tower in Genesis 11:1-9. Because I knew I had a weakness of building my own towers/ambitions, independent of God and I wanted my name to be a negative example of what I should not be/do.
Another name I gave myself was "the worm" after Psalm 22:6 as I struggled often with pride. And I wanted to remember how weak and small and helpless I am. I am just a worm on God's palm. The truth is He can swished me anytime, but He doesn't because He loves me.
As I read 1 Samuel, I see so much similarities between me and Saul that I'm tempted to be called "Saul"! I shall elaborate after I have a better understanding of the word and my life. :)
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